The Best Hangover 2 Quotes
Alan's Wedding Toast
Alan: �None of you know Stu like I do. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not nobody knows Stu like I do. No one. I can�t even tell you what we�ve been through because we made a pact, more important than blood. What I can tell you is this. This is not Stu�s first marriage. There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years ago��
Inappropriate Monkeys
Alan: "When a monkey nibbles on a penis, its funny in every language!"
The Jonas Brothers
oug: �Stu would like to invite you to his wedding.�
Stu: �Well only if you�re not busy.�
Phil: �Stu?�
Stu: �Well, maybe the Jonas Brothers are in town.�
Alan: �Nope, they�re in Raleigh, Durham that weekend.�
Asiatown
Doug: �What�s going on? Where are you guys?�
Phil: �I don�t know man. We woke up in some shithole room in some city.�
Doug: �Oh god, what city?�
Phil: �I don�t know Doug. Fucking Asiatown!�
Long John Silver's
Alan: �I�ve been uh meaning to ask someone. I noticed it�s a fishing village. Is there a Long John Silvers on the island?�
Lauren: �No, no I don�t think so. I�m so sorry.�
Stu: �But, we are actually serving some great fresh seafood.�
Alan: �Better than Long Johns?�
Stu: �Yes.�
Alan: �I�ll be the judge of that.�
P.F. Chang's
Alan: [Entering a monastery] �What is this a P.F. Chang�s?�
Just One Bump
Mr. Chow: �I explain it all ok? Just let me get one bump. Get my head straight.�
Bachelor Brunch
Phil: �Oh it�s ok. No it�s ok. It�s a bachelor party. Drink up everybody. Oh wait, there�s no alcohol I forgot we�re at a fucking IHOP!�
Her Dad Hates You
Phil: �And her dad hates you.�
Stu: �He doesn�t hate me. He�s just never spoken to me. I think it�s a cultural thing.�
Stu's Demon
Stu: �I have a demon in me.�
Text from Chow
Alan: �I got a text from Chow.�
Stu: �What time?�
Alan: �Ah, 10 o�clock last night.�
Phil: �What�s it say?�
Alan: �On my way�..n*ggas.�
Orange Juice with a Napkin on Top
Stu: �Ya see that? That�s orange juice with a napkin on top. Ya know why? So nobody roofies me.�
More of The Hangover 2 Quotes
Stu: �Yeah I got two thirds of it he said something about the garden of meditation.�
Alan: �No, he said I�m farting because of my medication.�
Chow: "It used to be bologna but now they make you add number."
"Would a cupcake kill ya"
Alan: my uncle once saw an albino polar bear .. teddy: how did he know it was an albino if polar bears are white?.. alan: it was black..
Are we friends in Great Britain?
"i dont understand whats going on, is this some sort of magic show?"
Stu: "maybe if i try charades he will understand." (mimes) "American kid goes to Asia"
Alan: "Karate Kid with Jaden Smith"
Stu: "no we aren't really playing charades"
Teddy: Do you know where My finger is?
Stu: We gave it to a drugdealing monkey.
Teddy:Bankok
Stu: Yea F***in Bankok
Alan: "I was raised in a yacht club, of course I know what I'm doing."
Alan: You totally butchered that song
Stu: You totally butchered my life
Stripper: �I had to slow down so I didn�t drop my load too quick.�
Stu: �Load?�
Alan: �What load?�
Stripper: �Oh you know, my sperm.�
Stu: �That is wrong, your talking about my sperm. Where would your sperm come from?�
Stripper: �My balls.�
Stripper: �You�re in Bangkock, there�s a reason they don�t call it Bangcunt!�
More Quotes
Phil: �Tracy I�m sorry.�
Tracy: �Where the hell are you?�
Phil: [sigh] �It happened again.�
Tracy: �Don�t say that.�
Phil: �No, this time we really fucked up.�
Tracy: �What the hell is wrong with you three?�
Phil: �So much Trace, I don�t even know where to begin.�
Phil: [sitting in dentist chair] �Hey how do I work the nitrous?�
Stu: �Ah, you don�t actually.�
Phil: �C�mon, just one hit?�
Stu: �Phil, put the prescription pad back.�
Phil: [slamming it on the table]
Stu: �You know that�s a felony, right?�
Phil: �F*** you man.�
Stu: �Was this right up against your scrotum?�
Doug: �I get it. I really do. It�s just that Alan considers you to be one of his best friends.�
Stu: �I consider Alan to be insane.�
Stu: �It�s my bachelor brunch. Go crazy. Get some chocolate chip pancakes.A lap dance from the waitress.�
Phil: �That�s bullshit. You can�t just skip out on a bachelor party Stu.�
Stu: �Ya see that? That�s orange juice with a napkin on top. Ya know why? So nobody roofies me.�
Phil: �What? Well I refuse to eat fucking cantaloupe at a bachelor party.�
Phil: �Oh please. You wouldn�t even be with her if it wasn�t for us.�
Stu: �Oh, this will be good.�
Phil: �Stu, think about it. You ended up ditching Mellisa and two years later you meet your true soulmate. You take Vegas out of that equation and you would have married a cunt.�
Phil: [to the rest of the patrons] �Oh it�s ok. No it�s ok. It�s a bachelor party. Drink up everybody. Oh wait, there�s no alcohol I forgot we�re at a fucking IHOP!�
Phil: �Wait a second, Alan, is that Mr. Chow?�
Alan: �Ya we still keep in touch.�
Stu: �Chow the guy who kidnapped us?�
Alan: �He didn�t kidnap us. He kidnapped Black Doug remember it was a whole big misunderstanding? He�s actually quite charming.�
Stu: �Alan, he�s a criminal.�
Alan: �So what are you a doctor?�
Teddy: �No, not yet, I�m pre med.�
Alan: �Ever heard of that guy Doogie Howser?
Teddy: �Ya?�
Alan: �Well, he turned out to be a gay.�
Alan: �Is that person coming to the wedding?�
Stu: �Yes Alan, my bride�s little brother is coming to the wedding. Is that ok with you?�
Alan: �Just the first time I�ve heard of it. You could have paged me.�
lan: �I�ve been uh meaning to ask someone. I noticed it�s a fishing village. Is there a Long John Silvers on the island?�
Lauren: �No, no I don�t think so. I�m so sorry.�
Stu: �But, we are actually serving some great fresh seafood.�
Alan: �Better than Long Johns?�
Stu: �Yes.�
Alan: �I�ll be the judge of that.�
Lauren�s Father: �When I first met Stu I was not impressed. He seemed unattractive. He lacked intelligence and imagination. Stu was missing the spark we look for in a man. But then I look into Stu�s eyes, he reminded me of my sweet brother. For those who do not know my brother is learning disabled and lives in a group home.�
Alan: �That was a great speech sir. I like the comparisons between Stu and rice.�
Teddy: �I�m not really old enough to drink.�
Alan: �Ya, it�s illegal. It�d be a shame if someone reported you.�
Phil: �I can�t believe I�m saying this, but I�m actually jealous of you. I mean Lauren is an angel.�
Doug: �Ya, she really is amazing.�
Stu: �Ah, you guys are sweet.�
Phil: �Not big breasts on her, but still a solid rack for an Asian.�
hil: �Stu Come on, Get up. We got a situation.�
Stu: �Where are we?�
Phil: �You�re gonna freak out, but its gonna be ok.�
Stu: [Checking mirror] �This is a real tattoo!�
Stu: �Alan what did you do? Did you roofie me?
Alan: �I didn�t do anything.�
Phil: �Wait a second Chow. We�re in Bangkok?�
Mr. Chow: �Holla! City of Squala!�
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