The Change-Up Quotes

Story: Growing up together, Mitch and Dave were inseparable best friends, but as the years have passed they've slowly drifted apart. While Dave is an overworked lawyer, husband and father of three, Mitch has remained a single, quasi-employed man-child who has never met a responsibility he liked. To Mitch, Dave has it all: beautiful wife Jamie, kids who adore him and a high-paying job at a prestigious law firm. To Dave, living Mitch's stress-free life without obligation or consequence would be a dream come true. Following a drunken night out together, Mitch and Dave's worlds are turned upside down when they wake up in each other's bodies and proceed to freak out. Despite the freedom from their normal routines and habits, the guys soon discover that each other's lives are nowhere near as rosy as they once seemed. Further complicating matters are Dave's sexy legal associate...

Taglines: Who says men can't change?

Quotes from The Change-Up (2011) movie

Dave: Having children, is, it's like living with little mini drug addicts. You know, they're laughing one minute, and then they're crying the next, and then they're trying to kill themselves in your bathroom for no good reason. They're very mean and selfish and they burn through your money and they break sh**t.

Dave: "I envy your life."
Mitch: "And I envy yours."
(Simultaneously) "I wish I had your life."

Dave: "Tell me about your women."
Mitch: "I have been keeping company with a number of nice ladies."
Dave (looks at photo): "What is her name?"
Mitch: "That is Tatiana, I have to make her cry first - but it's worth it." (shows more photos) "This right here is Brenda. She wants it in wheelbarrow, Arabian goggles, the Arsenio Hall, the pastrami sandwich..."
Dave: "I don't even know what these are!"
Mitch: "You're married."
Dave: "Good point."

Dave (really Mitch): "You wished for my life when we were pissing in that fountain!"
Mitch (really Dave): "We wished we had each others' lives?!"
Dave (really Mitch): "I was just trying to be nice!"
Mitch (really Dave): "Oh my GOD!"

Dave (really Mitch): "What do I tell Jamie, when she wants to have sex tonight?"
Mitch (really Dave): "You're not having sex with my wife, Mitch!"
Dave (really Mitch): "If she comes at me like a hurricane, a guy can only stand so much..."

Jamie: "I need to cool it on the Thai food."

Dave (really Mitch): "No no no no no no. Don't back that thing up into me. I can't believe you'd come at me, guns hot!"

Jamie (as babies are crying): "It's your turn."
Dave (really Mitch): "It's three in the morning, you're the mother."
Jamie: "I'm the mother! It's three o'clock in the morning! Get out of the bed right now before I cut you!"

Sabrina: "I'll have my briefs on your desk by lunch."
Dave: "That puts my balls on your chin by dinner."
Mitch: "That is schedule 4 sexual harassment!"

Cara: "You wanna come to my dance recital?"
Mitch: "The only style of dancing that Uncle Mitch likes involves a big shiny pole."

Cast
Mitch (Ryan Reynolds), Dave (Jason Bateman), Jamie (Leslie Mann), Olivia Wilde (Sabrina McArdle), Alan Arkin (Mitch's Dad).

Trailer

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